KINAYUME : If only I have passionate on something...

I want to be a Cosplayer. But I have no money to buy costumes... I have money.. but to waste on Cosplay aren't worthy for me..It's expansive as fuck... Buying new and new costumes.. Also with accessories,contact lenses,make up,shoes.... Since I supported myself without family's money. I literally saved up my money since I was 10 years old. Well that money won't be increase but decreased.. I don't have any income.. I need to work but I'm already busy with college..
Oneday, I fallen in love in longboard. So I buy it.. I want to learn longboard tricks but I'm terrible at it... I know I need to practice more and more.. But I have no time. With busy college life. I'm also stupid. No matter how smart or hard I studied.. The results just aren't enough.. I don't mind though.. I'm already grateful I've passed the exams. Lastly I'm now fighting my mental issues... So.. many things happening in my life.. That I cannot breath properly anymore.. Yeah seems like an excuse... The point is.. No matter what I do.. It just will end up bad. So bad that it fucked up me.. lol
I want... to at least have 1 thing that I'm passionate about... 1 thing that I was born with it... 1 thing that I'm fucking good at it... urghhhh