A quick talk

 Hey, this is kinayume. Not that anyone care or know my existence but yeah this is kinayume.. haha
 I just wanna say i just finished my last semester (if i pass) and will be start internship this may then soon will be a fasting month.. You see, shits happened during my semester 1,2,3 and so on.. The most difficult time is semester 4.. I basically lost my mind.. Everyday i cried (is normal) but that day i literally suicide attempt everyday... lol.. Of course i failed but it's the biggest step i've ever made! Wuhoo but sadly, i failed.. I got into hospital and went to emergency place.. Then, got hmm 12 stitches maybe lol idk how many stitches haha.. Then, yeah the doctorsss are judging me lol.. Suggested me an appointment with psychiatry expert... Bla bla.. Well guys.. Seek help for depression people like me isn't worth it.. Waste of time, pills, mind lol.. I guess it might work to people who's never expressed their inner self.. Well for me, i have done everything i can.. I'm so damaged that i just only thought suicide is better.. It will never solve my problem but is better than living haha.. My perspective in life is different.. I cannot see what people see.. For example, live.. People who want to live.. I understand why they want to live to the fullest but not me.. Just not me. I don't even wanna live to the fullest.. I'm so damn heartless because of bad things keep happening to me and taught me so much experience on how painful it is to the point that I've lost my heart.. I simply a heartless person now.. I'm still a human though.. I do have hurt feelings,etc. I'm only heartless if I have faced such unfortunate event for example my mother died.. so, I might be very heartless if some relative of mine died.. While, others are crying.. I'd feel nothing.. Maybe just a lil jealous of the death.. And lil bit happy since they won't suffered anymore.. That's why I prefer death than live.. Seeing people to live to such extend.. I cannot understand for me to live like them.. I do understand other people to live like them but not me.. That the problem with depression people... I hatr myself.. I'm the one who's despise myself... Though I got some important people stand beside me and help me stand...The problem is not them.. But me.. My demon..

 Anyway, in semester 5. I choose to ignore my pain.. Even though I cry everyday.. Just.. Let it go.. Pass through it.. Just ignore those pain.. So I tried to bear it.. Though I have a few days where I cannot hold my feelings anymore.. I'd do stupid things.. And again tried to bear pain... Untill now it's the final semester.. I have severe PTSD so, I have problem with my memory.. It's sucks.. The worst is was last time on March.. I forgot how old I am... yup.. I forgot.. Also, I don't even remember my siblings age,birth date much... Also parent's age is something I don't remember.. I ask my father age many times.. Still, I end up forgot it.. Maybe I should with my doctor about this.. So, my insomnia is getting worsen haha.  It takes me 2 day for me to sleep.. Usually will take 1 day, but now it takes 2 day now.. Yes, it getting worsened.. haha.. Cannot help with it.. I still cannot figure out the reason why i was awake for 2 day.. I thought maybe I like to awake when other's are asleep... But then.. maybe I was wrong.. idk..

So, that's all for now.. I'm too lazy to care about myself especially my existence.. I'm just an unworthy low life human.. People who face their own shitty life, stay strong! I'm totally open ear and heart to people who need my help..

Bye