Lastly

To keep on living in this futile life is stupid.

The reason i kill myself is i'm too lazy to live.

This form of life that God created, I don't give a fuck nor care. This life that human supposed to fight in living and the after life. I dont particularly care. I don't care about anything at all. Hell or heaven. Everything that was created by God, it's all being created by God. God create everything He created for the purpose of Himself. And I'm not interested in this "God's creation". Also not bcos i'm lack of faith or anarchy. I dont care what God created and what He wanted to achieve. It's none of my business. But He created me. So, I should do what slaves are should do. If only i'm a timid slaves, I'd pray everyday, do whatever 'religious human' would do. It's not like I sell my soul to satan that I'm so lazy to do those deed. Satan are lower than human. I'm not stupid enough to be impotent than that. U see, This life are not worth living if the life are not even wanna seek life in it. Human jealous of anything and that's a great thing bcos that makes them human. To achieve what they want in life and after life. What about me? I seek nothing. I jealous nothing. My life aren't worth anything. I'm not trying to be those stupidity thoughts of the negativity. I'm saying this is what I feel with a wise mind judgement. No matter how long I live, how strong I've been, how deep wisdom I've learned, how humanity I've experienced, as long as we live, us human will never stop having questions. It's unlimited. That's what life is. Until u die. Everything are planned by God, so it's futile what humans do bcos there's boundary. The hierarchy are very different. And in that terms, I seek my existence futile. Everyday, since born. Since even before existed. I choose to be the opposite. I myself choose. By God's law to be created. I choose to end my life. Everything will sounds illogical and nonsense as if i've lost my mind. And again, I dont fucking care to explain anything, to prove anything. Hehe for what? For brainless human that think complicated things should be ignored? Waste of my time n effort to even care about human like that. This life that God created is suspicious. Beyond human's thinking, beyond what wrote in Quran. Beyond God Itself. Yet I dare not to get involve. I just want to end this life. So I wont be involve more deeper in God's creation. I'd rather stayed in hell than those 'beautiful' heaven that God created. I am created to be suffer in anguish and despair. Without it I see no purpose of my existence. I am nothing without deep despair. And that is my nonsense believer. I've lost too far, I will lost farther if I live. Let me die. I will kill myself. I have to. If I live, I will forever be an empty soul. All I ever wanted to is to be free. Not free from pain or hell. But free from being existed by God's creation. Such a futile wish.