KINAYUME : MEJIBRAY TSUZUKU

Wondering why I love him? MEJIBRAY TSUZUKU. 

Because of His kindness in saving lost souls like me through music. 

He's fighting his life. Just like me or any other's fans.. He's trying his best to inspire us to live. His music, his knowledge, his life... His poems, his way of thinking.. Killing me. He inspired me so much! He make me feels there's still a good reasons to live. Good enough to save a souls.\His lyrics songs that have deep meaning and sometimes (always) have a puzzle,complicated lyrics. Some lyrics are just for fun and enjoy life. Some are sad.. Some song are triggering me. Like Hiai,baby crossing,Mr. rain, and more but most triggering me are Sou to utsu to kyoukai.. Yup.. This songs kills me. Also make me reborn. Make me forget pain. But now, I don't feel what I used to be. He seems to grow better? but i know he's just trying to live normal. BPD are hard to cure. We both have BPD. That's make me attracted to him more. His life. My life are different in many ways but our pain seems similar. Except that, he ran away from home and I was trapped in home forever. I cannot escape. Is it because of the consequences? I know what will happen if I just run away. Nothing solve. I will only let myself suffer more. Also I'm a girl. And we live in different country. My country are much more dangerous especially when I'm just a girl. I wanna runaway from home.. When I'm matured enough. but I seems find it's hard for me to understand how this life is working. I guess because people keep helping me that I don't even know how this world work. I mean I was chained up not 'helping.' haha..

When I'm in a certain mood. I'll listening to a certain songs. It fits my mood so much. SO I LOVE MEJIBRAY! I APPRECIATED IT SO MUCH! You saved this lost souls. Well.. Used to. Now Jrock,Vkei influence seems... IDK.. Far away. I don't feel any connection with MEJIBRAY like I used to feel. But of course I won't forget their meaningful songs that make me breath. When he cry at live or become crazy.. I become like him too. LOL Omg LOLOLOLOL XD

In anyway I've kinda have a bit of Tsuzuku's personally. In so many way, his songs, his life taught me so many things in this life. Mostly are 'You have to live and get through this painful life' hahaha~ Tbh, I quiet puzzled about his songs. Some of it have such a deep meaningful yet hard to understanding. Grr.. He also talented in writing poems. So most songs are like poems with high kanji. No wonder it's hard to understand.. 

About Tsuzuku's self harm. I have his old pictures of prove that he's self harm. Recently, I also saw his scars on his wrist.. Hmmm.. It's sad but fans will always wished for the best. Though most fans are so worried that it's annoyed him by saying "please eat more", "take care of health" or something like that.. It's kinda depressing.. It's like U're feeling suicide and self harm and people trying to help you by brought u to see a psychiatrist and such.. It's such a triggering for me.. Sometimes the right things to do are not a good thing for that person. In my opinion though..  

There's this old live. And that time. Tsuzuku take my breath away! I feel so amazed! It's like my burden heart are lighten up! (OwO)

It's when he said "DELIVER ME ALL OF YOUR PAIN!!!" 

I felt like... OMG!!!! T_T I feel so touched. Idk I feel so happy? I feel like. Omg this person really want us to live,enjoy life and forget all of the pain and JUST LIVE! " Omg! I felt like crying that time. 

His screams felt as if he's screaming for me! I feel like I was free from pain. He's the one. The one that I've looking for. After my mom died. I realized the reality at a young age. I learn so many things. I experienced many painful moments. It taught me how to survived also kills me. Then, I felt lost again since I have no one. I know I have family but in many ways they're the reasons why I WANNA DIE & I WANNA LIVE. That's why I said earlier that my life are trapped. I was bound by them. I cannot run. Maybe because I'm a coward? haha... Escape from this family won't be that bad. I don't see any light or hope in this family anymore. We're so broken that we're breaking each others more. So it's a big triggered for me. FUCK it.. Anyway... Tsuzuku is an AWESOME person. He saved many lives. (for me though) He's like my idol of life. haha