躁と鬱と境界
凄く疲れた･･･
履きなれないブーツの馴染まない皮のせい･･･そう言い聞かせ歩く
声は出ない
視界が急にバッと落ちたり、歪んだりするんだ
孤独の部屋で聞こえる笑い声･･･
妄想がリアルに見えて
吐き気が襲う
視線は定まらない
気付けば作り笑い、人の目を気にして
好きな歌口ずさむ。涙が溢れる
“今は何してるの?”
『昨日に戻れれば笑えた』日々口に･･･
Borderline
線を引き続けた末路
託された白に依存の海
聞こえるはずのない嗤い声
-ねぇ、この顔笑えてる?-
もしも僕が死ぬのなら
きっとそれは故意的です。
人々の記憶から僕を消して･･･
僕のいない日常で僕の話はしないで
それをとても淋しく、悲しく感じるのです。
躁と鬱でぐちゃぐちゃなんです。
突発的な妄想に潰れ
医者は口を揃え“BPD”
僕は見捨てられるという不安を･･･
ただ愛して欲しいと
ただそばにいて欲しいと
吐き気を耐え泣くのでした。
全員死ねば良いのに。
もしも僕が死ぬのなら
きっとそれは故意的です。
人々の記憶から僕を消して･･･
僕のいない日常で僕の話はしないで
それをとても淋しく、悲しく感じるのです。
感情を押し殺すのも疲れた
絶対的悪はソレだろう
笑えない日々が増えた
想像した未来とは違う
人が君が僕を置き去りにしてゆく
“なら”
忘れてくれ
Sou to utsu to kyoukai
sugoku tsukareta…
hakinarenai buutsu no najimanai kawa no sei…sou iikikase aruku
koe wa denai
shikai ga kyuuni batto ochitari, yugandari surunda
kodoku no heya de kikoeru waraigoe…
mousou ga riaru ni miete
hakike ga osou
shisen wa sadamaranai
kizukeba tsukuriwarai, hito no me wo ki ni shite
sukina uta kuchizusamu. namida ga afureru
“ima wa nani shiteru no?”
『kinou ni modorereba waraeta』hibi kuchi ni…
Borderline
sen wo hikitsuzuketa matsuro
takusareta shiro ni izon no umi
kikoeru hazu no nai waraigoe
-nee, kono kao waraeteru?-
moshimo boku ga shinu no nara
kitto sore wa koiteki desu.
hitobito no kioku kara boku wo keshite…
boku no inai nichijou de boku no hanashi wa shinaide
sore wo totemo sabishiku, kanashiku kanjiru no desu.
sou to utsu de guchagucha nan desu.
toppatsutekina mousou ni tsubure
isha wa kuchi wo soroe “BPD”
boku wa misuterareru to iu fuan wo…
tada aishite hoshii to
tada soba ni ite hoshii to
hakike wo tae naku no deshita.
zen'in shineba ii noni.
moshimo boku ga shinu no nara
kitto sore wa koiteki desu.
hitobito no kioku kara boku wo keshite…
boku no inai nichijou de boku no hanashi wa shinaide
sore wo totemo sabishiku, kanashiku kanjiru no desu.
kanjou wo oshikorosu no mo tsukareta
zettaiteki aku wa SORE darou
waraenai hibi ga fueta
souzou shita mirai to wa chigau
hito ga kimi ga boku wo okizari ni shite yuku
“nara”
wasurete kure
Mania, Depression, and Borderline
I’m so tired…
I walk, convincing myself it’s due to the unfamiliar leather of the boots I’m not used to wearing
My voice won’t come out
My view suddenly keeps fading and warping in flashes
In a solitary room, I hear a laughing voice…
The delusions seem real
Nausea assaults me
My eyes won’t focus
I find myself faking smiles, worrying about how people look at me
I hum a song I like. My tears flow
“What are you doing now?”
『If I could’ve returned to the past, I would’ve been able to smile』is what I say every day
Borderline
The fate to befall me kept on drawing the line
A sea of dependence to the whiteness I’ve been entrusted to
There’s a voice of ridicule I’m not supposed to be hearing
-Hey, is this face able to smile?-
If I were to die,
That is sure to be of my own intention.
Erasing me from people’s memories…
No longer talking about me in days when I am gone,
That seems very lonely and sad to me.
I’m a mess of mania and depression.
I’m crushed by abrupt delusions,
And in unison, the doctors say, “BPD”
I should let go of the fear of being abandoned
I just want you to love me,
I just want you to be next to me–
I cried out, fighting nausea.
All of us should just die though.
If I were to die,
That is sure to be of my own intention.
Erasing me from people’s memories…
No longer talking about me in days when I am gone,
That seems very lonely and sad to me.
I’ve gotten tired of suppressing my emotions too
I suppose THAT is the absolute evil here
The days when I can’t smile have increased
This is different from the future I’d imagined
People will, you will, go on to forsake me
“If you do, then”
Forget me
SOURCE : HERESIARCHY
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