KINAYUME : CATS + Family❤

Do i choosed a wrong decision?
Am i making a mistake?
Is this a mistake?
I thought at 1st... buying pets would discard my loneliness... It does work that time! Then... They've become more naughty.. Now having 4 cats means 4 times trouble.... I commit sins..  I make more sins when they're exist here.... I dont feel at home anymore because of them... In fact I despise home now... Home (meh... not) & my bed would makes me feel comfortable... and a little happy... NOW I CANNOT SEE ANYTHING OR A LITTLE HAPPY AT ALL!
I should never bought the male cat! Fuck him... Cute? All pets cute? So what? Why when about cats, humans become delusional? I mean... if it's a man who's cute on outside but shitty personality.. Peoole hate that RIGHT? I SEE NO DIFFERENT IN CATS! The fucking male fools humans with 'cute' & shits,pee all over, destroyed everything, mumblingg, obsessed with sex! My female cat already give a birth n pregnant again.. And the fucking male don't Fucking care and Horny As Fuck! ALSO AS FUCK AS THE MALE WANNA FUCK HIS DAUGHTER!! WTF!? DISGUSTING!! FREAK! Lol... I literally don't care much.... I just hate that it's actually a big burden for me... Not burden of taking care of them... I know it's my responsibility... But it's a burden for me.... Things that i create to make me have a reasons to live actually more into making me suicidal... Get it? I wanna create a love but in the end, that love are the cause me wanna die so badly bcos it's not their the fault.. it's me.. I'm the one who create a new pain.. I'm the cause... Urghh so hard to explain n use proper words to describe this feelings.....

But i do learn this earlier..Hmmm... In the movie shows... There's this pirates.. There's a prophesy saying that he'd be killed by a man with one leg within 1 month.. So of course he wanna live... He heard a rumors about live eternally n young stories that are spreading... So he went there for living...
In the end he died n got killed by the 1 leg man..

My point here are.... Prophesy said he'll be killed by a man... My point is... If he doesnt trying to make a decision to fighting for his live... He's actually can live... duh.. It's like... sometimes.... Things that's been fated to happen n u want to change it... Isn't good.. It's a trick to make u wanna fighting for ur life n fallen into the 'fate' trap... U understand? Lol... Sometimes things that u're fighting for are not worthy..  U know that life are full of tricks... So dont easily falled into the tricks..

Back to kitty... lel.... They... make me regret... They're the another new reasons for me to die~ yayyy! Urghhh.... Idk... Why the fuck did I think to bought a pets... To accompany me? Hell no... :v lol Ohh... I remember... It's to make me to create love in my heart... Well this have gone wrong... lol Shit... I'm brat at that time... Thinking that pets can actually save my life... Oh.. they did... but only that time.. now they're in the reasons list of wanna die... lol That's great............ *sigh* I just want to cheer up this broken family... Yeah yeahh this family can never be saved... Fine.. but if I give up.. That just... THAT.... nothing happen... Well now shitty things do happened and now myself getting worsen... Oh shit... Oh shit... Oh shit... Earlier before I fucking cry like a bitch...  Like always... trying to listening to jrock... Oh fuck... nothing happen to me.. I dont feel jrock anymore... Jrock songs cannot save me from triggering... lol They're useless now... Urghhh.... I have no intererest in anything again.... Sad fucking life... Oh then, I started bitching crying,hurting myself... and overthinking~~~ :v bla bla bla Ohhh then I thought... what's the reasons for me to suddenly feels so fucked up? Hmmm~~ Is bcos Cats? My sister? My 3rd bro? Me? xD Haha~ God? Then triggered when I look at Al-Quran... Oh shits.... Cries.... I feel so guilty... Then LIKE ALWAYS~ Trying to asked for His forgiveness since i've commited many sins :-/ And started to blame myself... All about me... I'm the problem shitsss...! I should just die! Die! I WANNA DIE! DIE! I WANNA DIE! I GUESS THIS IS HOW'S BPD LIFE IS! I WANNA SELF HARM SO BADLY! But i can't cuts as much as yesterday since yesterday wounds doesnt heal yet... So many scars☆ Then I become more unstable~ wuwuwuwuwu~ I try to cut my right wrist... I cut... Then I was like... Whoa! Whoa! Bitch! U ain't gonna cut ur right wrist! Enough with one! Bitch! That time i was watching,hear MEJIBRAY - KILLING ME video... Then After Tsuzuku's SCREAMSSSSSS,GROWLLLL,SCREAMMMMMSSS WITH ALL HIS MIGHT!!!!! My heart feels so lighten~ So i stopped self harm n back to normal life.. My eye do seems swollen xD hahhaha I'n still a brats... Really? Lol Bye! I'm gonna try sleeps... My insomnia have gone worst when I started to broken again... haha :v gooood nite~